my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
