i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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