So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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