Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
