So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
