If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
