I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
