you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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