If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
