you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
