He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
