My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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