Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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