Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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