I can't watch pbs sober anymore
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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