he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
