I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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