found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
