OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
