I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
