We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize
