So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
...so i touched it.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
