If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
