Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
