Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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