I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
