I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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