I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
