i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
