get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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