There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
