we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
