Kiss
Puke
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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