I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
