ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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