my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
