hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This is the high leading the old right now
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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