1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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