You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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