Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
