you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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