his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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