Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
