took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
