I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
