Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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