Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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