I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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