she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
