i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
