Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
