If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I think i got beer on your cat.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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