My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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