Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
