Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
